Friday, November 22, 2013

Asshole Customer #601,446,352,999

  Last night at work, a douche bag went up to a woman that he didn't know and asked for a hug, the woman politely declined the offer and walked away, when the guy yells at her, “fuck you bitch, you got a muffin top anyway!” I told the guy, to get the fuck out of the casino, & for some reason he informed me, “Now, forget you!”
 Recently I have seen a lot of men do this shit… they walk up to random woman and ask for a hug, most woman agree, but look a little disgusted. If you are doing this, you are a fucking creep & maybe you should consider jerking off before leaving the house.

 If a woman declines your creepy offer it is not her fault your fragile ego can’t handle rejection. Just thinking about this makes me wish I stabbed you in the eye with my screwdriver. Yes, I am writing this thinking you are reading this creepy hug guy.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Why Lie I Need A Dick!

 Quite often someone will tell me, “I don’t give money to the homeless, because they are just gonna spend it on drugs.” I’m not saying this assumption is wrong or right, but when I give someone that is homeless money I don’t give a fuck what they spend it on.
 As for me, one of the hardest things about being a dad is going through my wardrobe and finding a T-shirt for school functions that don't feature the word "fuck". Sure, I have other shirts that don't read "fuck", but those are shirts for such great bands as "Asshole Parade", "Vaginasaur Jr", "Anal Cunt", "Asspiss", & "Hello Shitty People"

When I picked up a copy of Stanley Tookie Williams’s memoir Blue Rage, Black Redemption...

 ...I correctly assumed the book would be great, but I didn’t think there would be a funny part in the book featuring a vegetarian, but there was…

 According to Tookie, one day he is walking pass another inmate’s cell, & peaks in. He witnesses a butt naked vegetarian wiping his ass with a piece of bologna. The vegetarian realizes that Tookie sees him, & says “I am not a homosexual! I am planning on feeding this bologna to the guy who lives in the cell next to me!”

 Tookie doesn’t give a fuck what the vegetarian is doing with the bologna, he knows something weird is going on… it’s this kind of insight that led Tookie to be king Crip! A week later the vegetarian offers Tookie a cookie, but Tookie is no dummy and declines the offer.

Friday, November 15, 2013

Today I learned from the Marquis de Sade...

 That some people like it when a young girl farts in a wine glass so they can enjoy the flavor, while others prefer when they are whipped till they bleed, then enjoy authoring a turd that is rubbed into their wounds, while others can't get a hard prick unless someone shits in their mouth.

 Call me old fashion but I like getting drunk & passing out before sex is an option... Sex is an option? Like anyone thinks I can get a John Boehner...

East Side Eavesdropping

 So I was sitting in the punk rock room of my suburban home with the window open, reading a Stanley Tookie Williams memoir when I over heard some kids out front.

 One of the kids said, "hay!"

 the other kids said, "stop being a faggot and be a big boy!"

 The "hay!" kid responded, "I don't want to be a big boy!"

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Keeping It Real

 My supervisor at that shitty casino I used to work at once told me that he enjoys watching amateur porn videos because the people starring in it, seem like people he could actually have sex with.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Today on the Maury Show...

...some guy brought on his wife because he thought she was cheating on him. To make a dumb story short, the husband got drunk and gave his wife a hickey. By the next morning the husband forgot all about the passion mark, & now he thinks he's married to a trifling ass whore.

 I have to admit, I am surprised that I have never done something like this.

Yet Another Benefit Of Working At A Casino...

 Last night (AKA early this morning) at work some drunk dude wondered through the casino and into the employee entrance looking for a restroom.  Lost, drunk, & desperate to find a bathroom, dude ventured further & further into the back hallway, but ended up getting more lost with every turn he took. Eventually drunk dude couldn't hold it, so he opened a supply closet and sprayed shit all over everything.

2 days ago I ran into my "friend" from the corner store and he had this to share....

"Have you noticed that all of the hot woman in BBW videos are fucked by the same in shape asshole with a Rolling Stones & a Pittsburgh Steelers tattoo?" 

 After hearing this I couldn't help but think, "Holy Fuck, there is someone out there that has a Rolling Stones and a Pittsburgh Steelers tattoo? What an asshole!", but I suspect this wasn't the point of the story.

I am not sure what the significance of the saying, “Keep Calm and Chive On”

...but judging from the people that wear T-shirts with that slogan printed on it, it must have something to do with being a total douche bag.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Child Narc

 In front of me was a Mormon dad, who was holding one of his many fucking kids over his shoulder. The kid, a true Aryan quickly spotted that I was guilty of thought crime & proceeded to turn me in, “Dad, that guy over there isn't singing the flag pledge!”

 I thought to myself, “Fuck you!” & “shut the fuck up you little bastard!”

 The Aryan larva continued to narc on me, until his dad shushed him. The kid stopped barking at me, but then shot me a look, letting me know this wasn't the last time I would have to deal with him. I knew then, that one day this kid would kill me.