Sunday, December 1, 2013

Career Opportunities

When I was 15 years old I asked my Dad if he would drive my friend BJ & I to the mall. He agreed because he knew if we were out of the house, our shitty punk band wouldn’t be causing a racket & he wouldn’t have to hear us sing “fuck!”

 When we entered the mall we were wearing the shittiest cloths in our entire wardrobe. Our cloths were stained, torn, & our t-shirts featured vulgar images of bands we thought were awesome. BJ had a tie tied to his head, for an added touch I had my clothes on backwards, & both of us made sure our hair was messy. We went straight for Jewelry stores, lingerie shops, & any place selling formal wear. Most of the stores wouldn’t give us a job application, which made us laugh! One employee even gave us a pep talk about coming back when we were cleaned up & had nicer cloths on.

 To add to the fun, at some businesses we would pretend to be retarded, or speak with a foreign language. Sometimes we would pretend that we just moved here from England & we would speak with a thick cockney accents, it was a laugh riot. 

 Occasionally we would take a break from the game and go to the woman’s department at JC Penny and try on dresses, we thought we looked pretty!

 After a few hours my dad picked us up at the prearranged pick up spot at the prearranged time. Cut us a break, this was way before cell phones were affordable & accessible, & we couldn’t just call Daddy when we were ready to be picked up.

 My dad asked us if we had a good time & what we did. We explained to him that we went to the mall wearing our crappiest cloths & asked for job applications. My dad being a Republican didn’t find this amusing, he shouted at us, “what if some day, you wanted that job? Now you can never have it”. This game was even funny after you left the mall, as my dad yelled at us, we laughed more, as we laughed more, he yelled more & grew increasingly frustrated. Punk Rock!

 I’m now pushing forty & I’m glad to report that I still don’t want those jobs, or any job! 

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