Friday, October 11, 2013

There is a Tenement's song called Simple Things that has a line that goes…

“I’d love to run my fingers through your greasy hair”

 To be honest with you, the thought of that is completely disgusting to me. I don’t care if I am on a date with a man or woman, being gross isn't punk or even exotic, it’s a turn off.

 Speaking of turn offs, many years ago (1991?) when I went on “dates” & I wasn't fat, old, & gross, I took a young woman out on a date, I don’t really remember what we did or where we went, but I do remember her telling me that she loved the band the Red Hot Chili Peppers, then she went off on a tangent about how she hates blacks & Mexicans.

 I jokingly, but not jokingly told her, “I don’t think Anthony Kiedis would agree”.

 Her reaction to this was to sing, “Passion dripping from the coyote’s eyes, he can taste his blood, and blood never lies, pale face die, true men don’t kill coyotes!”

 I thought to myself, “holy fuck!”

 After our date, I took her home & told her that I didn't wish to see her again.

 She told me, “if you come in, I’ll make you a grilled cheese sandwich, give you a Nitzer Ebb tape, & let you sleep with me”.

 Even though the offer was tempting, I declined, but not out of some sort of sense of wrong or right, I declined because this whole situation was weird.

 Later that week, she called me on the phone and said that her step sister and her, wanted me to come over, and make out with them. The offer was tempting, but something told me that this was the kind of situation that would end up getting me killed & I didn't want the song Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order playing at my funeral.

 A few months passed and she called me out of the blue, she told me that she had slept with one of my friends & that his pp was bigger than mine. I found this strange because we kissed a few times, but it never got to point where she could measure my cock. Even stranger I had P.E. with the guy, so I knew she was right about his penis.

 This was the first, but not the last time in my life that someone that I took on a date would correctly accuse me of having a little pp. From time to time I run into this woman, she is now conservative, a mother, and hates Obama or some shit.

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