Monday, May 20, 2013

The Benefits Of Talking To Strangers

This morning at the corner store, I was making myself a cup of coffee when a fellow big dude came by & made himself a cup as well, I said to him "what's up, dude?"

 He said to me, “same shit, different day"

 I thought to myself, "Yeah, fuck you too"

 At that moment a chubby woman came into the gas station with her boyfriend that looked like a UFC fighter. The big dude said to me, "I hate when fat girls date a hot guy, because that means they would never go back to dating a fat guy like me!"

 I nodded in amazement because I understood his point, but I didn't really give a fuck. I said to him, "I'm pretty fat & gross, but quite often a BBW or two will hit on me".

 He ignored my smart ass comment & went on a rant about BBW porn, he explained that he hates seeing "hot" guys fuck “fat” bitches, because it gives fat woman some illusion that they can fuck some hot guy & not him.

 I was speechless, I would have told him, "get the fuck out of here", but I was curious about what other shit this ass was going to spew.

 He switched gears and went off about amateur porn staring black guys & how he is put off by the weird things they say to woman in the sexy films. He also said something about the fucking being over exaggerated. He added that in the videos he watches, the blacks are always spitting on the pussies & the buttholes.

 At this point I was looking for a break in the conversation so I could cut and run, I also didn’t want to get beaten up for listening to this guy, so I said to him, "wow, sounds like you really know your porn".

 He paused & thought about what I said & answered back, "I'd like to think so".

 I said to him, "well, later dude! I gotta go!"

The cashier was listening to our entire conversation, so when I went up to pay for my coffee he was cracking up. As for myself, I was trying to hold my laughter. When I walked out of the store I let out a big laugh.

 Several weeks later I ran into the same guy at the corner store, he was getting a coffee & I was getting beer. His eyes lit up when he saw me, I wasn’t sure if I was happy to see him, but I said to him "what's up dude?"

 He said his standard answer, “same shit, different day"

 I jokingly asked him, "anything good on Xhamster?"

 He told me about some video he watched of some big breasted blonde haired woman being titty fucked. I sighed & told him, "my penis is too small to titty fuck someone"

 He didn't acknowledge my comment. He went off about how the woman was making noises like it felt good to be titty fucked. I asked him, "How did that make you feel?

He told me, "it makes me believe she is a fucking liar, it couldn’t possibly feel good to have someone fuck your tits".

 I told him, "My tits are almost big enough to be fucked!"

 He laughed & said, "it might be fun to be titty fucked, but I don't believe it feels so good you are gonna make noises like someone is fucking you"

 I told him "you are right, well I got to go, it's time to get drunk"

He told me, "We should get a drink sometime".

 I lied and said, "That would be fun".

 I went home, got drunk, & listened to the Tenement album Napalm Dreams. The next day Bethany said I made the bed smell like PP because I am a drunk & I sweat a lot in my sleep.

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