Sunday, April 21, 2013

This Jerk-off won't give Asshole Parade a chance

 A few years ago I was at Walgreens buying some shit (I assume Pepto) when some young skater dude came up to me and asked about my Asshole Parade t-shirt. I explained to him that they are an awesome hard core band & if he is inclined he should check them out. He told me there is no good bands any more. Fuck this kid!
 This little fuck had to be fifteen or sixteen. I had no idea how right-now music would be any worse or any better than it was back-in-the-day, which for him was 3 years ago. There is a ton of good bands out there, I am an old fuck that can hardly navigate a computer & I can still find them, so this compulsive masturbater has no excuse.

 You wanna know how I know that the kid that asked me about Asshole Parade was a compulsive masturbater? Well, I used to be him.

 I used to ditch school and masturbate, I once had a job while I was in high school & I masturbated there, not because I was horny, but because I wanted to tell my friends I did it. When I was 16 I drove from Las Vegas to Reno and jerked off while driving my car because I had no car stereo. I once jerked off 6 times in a day and got a blister, my friend Nathan did it 8 times in one day. One time as a teenager my girlfriend jerked me off, & I didn't think “oh that feels good”, I thought to myself, “I am a better jerker offer than you!” Maybe my group of young men & young woman were a bunch of punk rock perverts, if you had sex with someone that was boring to us, any one could fuck, we were more interested if you shoved a Zima bottle up your bum.

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